The Gift of wonder

Every year, my parents invite the whole church into their home. The only lighting is from candles and the Christmas tree. We sing Christmas Carols and anyone who wants to has the opportunity to perform a song. When the songs are over, finger food and fellowship begin. It is a beautiful night. Here is a sample:

The Pioneer Life

My Mother is the ultimate pioneer woman. She very industriously makes baskets, soap, paper, delicious and very healthy foods with total ease. If she wants to learn about something, she reads a book (pictures are not required) and then makes it. I am sure she would say her endeavours do not always come out perfect but I have my doubts.

Because the economy is slow, our finances do not list us as millionaires, and I no longer have a vehicle to continue my work as a caregiver, I have purposed to learn from my mother and others how to a) stretch each dollar and b) how to create amazing things to sell (without lots of funds into supplies.) This is something of an uphill battle as I am not my mother and most of things needed to fulfill the above requirements are not in my current list of skills. So, I invite you to journey with me as I learn :-)

-eVerLasTing-

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good

For His lovingkindness is everlasting

Give thanks to the God of gods

For His lovingkindness is everlasting

Give thanks to the Lord of lords,

For His lovingkindness is everlasting

To Him who alone does great wonders,

For His lovingkindness is everlasting

To Him who made the heavens with skill

For His lovingkindness is everlasting

-Psalm 136:1-5

One Year Later

November 28, 2008, (Our Wedding Day) I promised to Honor + Respect John. One year [and a few days later], I realize I have so very much to learn about how to live this out but, oh the ways John Loves + Cherish's me! The delights of his love is unending! I never have a need to question his commitment to me or to our marriage. I am SO GRATEFUL for the BLESSING of marriage to John!

`

When we said our vows, we didn't know the pain we would walk through in losing our first born, the challenges with my health, or the dry financial times. But I praise Jesus, that He brought us closer together through the pain. Our love continues to grow stronger and deeper and I am so excited about spending the rest of my life with John!

`

Love is not a place

To come and go as we please

It's a house we enter in

Then commit to never leave

`

So lock the door behind you

Throw away the key

We'll work it out together

Let it bring us to our knees

`

Love is a shelter in a raging storm

Love is peace in the middle of a war

And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door

No, love is not a fight - but it's something worth fighting for.

- Warren Barfield

Family

A family is a unit comprised not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. -Ogden Nash

Moving on

Yesterday, we moved our camper to it's final (as far as we know) resting spot. It is parked close to John's shed and is at the end of the driveway John has been working so hard on. (the picture only shows a tiny portion of it)

It was lovely to camp there last night. Food over a campfire tastes so much better!

Tomorrow, we will (Lord willing) move to our tiny cabin! Ah, the warmth! Hopefully someday life will slow down [ha, ha] and we can catch up on sleep.

John has been swamped with things to work on, take care of, and fix up. We are very grateful to God for His gift of a deer this morning! We have been turning it into venison. I am thankful we butchered the veal first. The site around the shot is something I am Quite happy to keep my back to!

This is Sophie -- The beautiful, furry, purry beast who has warmed our laps and our hearts:

[Despite my multiple attempts to take her picture, she refused to be photogenic, so John got some meat to tempt her with. She finally laid still and opened her eyes! [She will not be traveling with us.]

miscellany

- We have a date of return to our tiny cabin! I can't wait!

- I am So Excited about spending time with my family this winter (all 27 of them)!

- John has been working so hard to get everything finished. This week he plans to: finish and fill the shed, tune 2 pianos, work on the truck, move honey into buckets, winterize both the camper and his motorcycle, and hunt [in addition to various other projects].

- We have been adopted by a cat. She leaves mouse heads and other small body parts at our door but, she does make a very nice lap heater and is so grateful for every bit of attention.

- I have been taking fish oil daily (disgusting stuff) and I really think it has helped with energy.

Did you know?

I married the Most Wonderful Man in the World!!!

Creating Veal

Butchering isn't so bad. It is definitely a mind over matter thing. If someone wanted to get grossed out, it certainly provides opportunities to do so, but it was much better than I expected. I thought there would be copious amounts of blood and a horrible stench. This proved to be untrue (except for the liver - it was slimy too!). Instead of being disgusted by it all, I was fascinated by the layers of muscles and all the "stuff "that holds it all together. The bones were massive! I think one of the best proofs of God's design is the way He made our joints! WOW!

John's sisters amaze me. Anna is a master butcher. When she looks at a hunk of beef, she is able to quickly determine where to cut so as to get the most meat off the bone. (Much harder than it sounds!) She is very familiar with the different cuts and knows which cut is best for steak, roast, or hamburg. I spent most of the time holding the hunk steady for her, happy to assist progress. Gloria is our master sealer of the meat. She knows the way to remove air and keep the meat fresh. I do not believe that Gloria only has two hands. Watching them fly around and hold everything together... I'm quite sure I saw at least four!

So, 3 out of 4 carcases are prepared and in the freezer. We did not get as much veal as we hoped. Next year we plan to start our calves earlier with better nutrition throughout their growing cycle. This certainly isn't the cheapest way to get meat, but it is great to know it came from healthy, hormone-free calves.

A few favorite poems

Fog
The fog comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
--Carl Sandburg

The Somerset Farmer
I said,
It is good to live in the country,
To have a small cottage in a big green field,
A neat little garden inside a gateway,
To see how much you can make it yield;
To have dusty chickens and a spotted calf
And a good stout cow with a silky skin,
This, I suppose, is better by half
Than the winning of much men die to win?
The Somerset Farmer rubbed his head
And smiled at me. "Oh-ay," he said.

I said again,
It is good to be friendly,
To have a small door where neighbors knock,
To get up early and work while you listen
To a cuckoo singing as well as a clock;
And to lie down when the West is ruddy
With hardly a thought that is not kind;
With the earth to con and sky to study
A man need never be dull of mind?
The Somerset Farmer nodded at me
And smiled again, "Oh-ay," said he.

I said,
It is good to have young things near you,
Children to play with, children to hold;
To hear them laughing; to have them near you
Calling to them as you grow old;
To know that you have a part in the ages
Through all to-morrows, though silently,
Immortal as singers and saints and sages
While youth buds out on the ancient tree --
The Somerset Man looked out at the sky.
Solemn and soft he said, "Oh-ay,"
--Marguerite Wilkinson

The Old Woman
As a white candle
In a holy place,
So is the beauty
Of an aged face.

As the spent radiance
Of the winter sun,
So is a woman
With her travail done,

Her brood gone from her,
And her thoughts as still
As the waters
Under a ruined mill
--Joseph Campbell

"Like Barely Bending"
Like barley bending
In low fields by the sea,
Singing in hard wind
Ceaselessly,

Like barley bending
And rising again,
So would I, unbroken,
Rise from pain;

So would I softly,
Day long, night long,
Change my sorrow
Into song.
--Sara Teasdale

Sic Vita

Heart free, hand free,
Blue above, brown under,
All the world to me
Is a place of wonder.
Sun shine, moon shine,
Stars, and winds a-blowing,
All into this heart of mine
Flowing, flowing, flowing!

Mind free, step free,
Days to follow after,
Joys of life sold to me
For the price of laughter,
Girl's love, man's love,
Love of work and duty,
Just a will of God's to prove
Beauty, beauty, beauty.
--William Stanly Braithwaite

A Job with a View

John had a chimney job yesterday and I went to "help" him with it. Despite all the wires we had to squeeze through, John did a wonderful job operating the lift! We tore down the broken chimney that was sticking up from the roof and then half of the chimney in the attic. John then rebuilt it using metal parts (ask him to explain what he did!) I didn't get a picture of the completed project but it looked great!

Just One More Month and we will celebrate our ONE YEAR anniversary!!!

This is the shed...

...John is building!I Really like small houses and I hate to put a "but" here but, they are not the best for storage. God has blessed us with STUFF, more STUFF than we have a place for. So, John has put in a lot of man hours working (in rain, in mud, in cold, in heat) to provide a place for our STUFF here.

This man has skills! He started out with grid paper, sketching out his options. The structure needed to be 10 x 10 and needed to hold... about a million things. He has maximized the space by building partial floors at different levels. No stairs are necessary, you can just hop from floor to floor. This also provides custom storage: tall spaces for tall items, short spaces for short items.

He has been so resourceful by using logs he cut down (to make space for us in this part of the world) for beams for the shed. To make the beams flat for the base, he screwed boards to the log and used his chainsaw (!) to slice off the rounded part. (No wonder he is so good at cutting cheese!) He took one large log and using a couple of mauls and and an ax, split it down the middle -- I have been amazed by his creativity!

John has done all the work (mental and physical) by himself. At times, I have been his "gofer", or tree hugger (so the beam didn't fall over while it was being attached). He has been very patient to explain each task I can help with and has certainly stretched my skill level!

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Interior Design inspires me. Here are some jewls I found at the library with links connected with the books. [I have not looked over the sites]:

New Color Schemes Made Easy by Rebecca Jerdee

500 Kitchen Ideas: Style: Style, Function, & Charm by Dominique Devito

Big Ideas for Small Spaces by JoAnne Liebler

The Not So Big House by Sarah Susanka

Good Design Can Change Your Life by Ty Pennington

American Dream Houses by Concept House Plans Gmbh

Link for 50 Staw Bale house plans!

On and Off the Right Track

or The Joy and Agony of Tracking a Wounded Deer

1.) A tracker must diligently look for tiny drops of blood on the ground

Note: The ground at this time of year is covered with: brown leaves with red spots, burgundy leaves with red spots, green leaves with red spots, yellow leaves with red spots, and red leaves with red spots. This may be caused by water, fungus, the changing color of leaves, or blood.

2.) A tracker must not feel discouraged or frustrated when the "blood trail" completely disappears.

Note: The "blood trail" constantly disappears even if right before the disappearance the trail was very easy to find. This is perfectly normal and should be expected to occur constantly.

3.) A tracker must slowly and carefully cover miles and miles of territory that the deer may have happened to cross.
Note: This will take hours of hiking in a semi-folded position.

4.) A tracker must scan the ground around him for a brown animal with a white belly. Because he has followed proper hunting protocol, the deer is now dead. [There will be no movement or noise from the deer.]
Note: The forest floor is made up of leaves, small plants to obscure the view, and brown logs. Large white mushrooms grow on the logs and white patches of sunshine rest on them.

5.) The tracker must not mind encountering multiple brier bushes and countless spider webs as he searches for the downed deer.
Note: The webs will eventually cloud his vision so he can not see the blood gushing from his wounds.

One last note:
Careful adherence to the tracking techniques listed above does not guarantee discovery of the deer.

The Tree Stand

We dress in layers. The day has been warm but the night will be cold. The last layer we put on is a camouflaged jacket. John and I walk hand in hand to the tree stand in our black mud boots. We whisper and step gently. The leaves are dry and crunch underfoot. It seems the closer we get to the tree stand the louder the leaves become. Last night we heard and saw at least 5 deer so I have high hopes for tonight.

We settle in and wait for the forest to come alive. The wind begins to blow and soon becomes a creature itself. Rushing through the trees, fluttering the leaves, bending the branches. I think I hear a cat but John tells me it is the wind. I think I hear coyotes - John tells me it is the wind.

Soon we hear a loud crunch, Crunch, CRUnch. A gray squirrel appears. A red squirrel chatters loudly in the trees. A black squirrel hops across the shooting path. A big black bird circles above us and I ruthlessly hope it is something that eat squirrels.

A flock of crows become louder and louder. John makes a face and I try to contain my giggles. There seems to be some kind of family dispute. They fly from tree to tree, bending the tops over. Eventually they fly off, taking their noise with them.

A light crunching sound comes from my left. I look over and a raccoon hobbles across. I touch John's arm. He looks over and smiles. We spend a lot of time smiling at each other. Despite how much time our lips spend together, we find it very hard to read each others lips! Not too long after the first raccoon, another follows the trail made by the first.

The woods are filled with crunching sounds. Is it a deer? Is it the wind? Then all is quiet.

I look up at John and he whispers, "You fulfill my dreams!" I smile deeply, delighted to be with him!

I sense more than hear movement to my right. Ah finally, here is our deer! There is a loud crash and a white-tailed rabbit appears!

Time passes, the forest grows darker. We hear what seems to be deer sounds all around us but nothing appears. As the light fades so does my hope... and my warmth!

After it is almost completely dark we head back. I trip. John fluffs. We both get tangled up in a wild rose bush. Maybe tomorrow night we will get our deer.

COLD Weather can be Very Beautiful

Some of the pictures I took when John got back from his motorcycle test:

[taken Thursday afternoon]

The result of a VERY cold night:

[taken early this morning]

Can you find two deer in this picture?
[taken last Friday]

A deer education

For those wondering how things turned out with John's test... HE PASSED! I'm not surprised but I am very happy for him!! He even proved his skills by riding back in the snow without any troubles at all. After John returned from his test, we went for a walk in the winter wonderland. It was beautiful but Crazy to have so much snow in October!

I don't know how much snow fell. It started snowing on Thursday, and it didn't stop snowing until mid-afternoon on Saturday. Much of it melted before it landed or shortly thereafter so it was impossible to keep track.

********************

Bow season started Saturday so I have been getting an education. I actually shot two deer on Friday. Two doe came within 35 feet [see edit below] of our camper and so I grabbed my Nikon D40 and fired away. Unfortunately I do not have a zoom lens so the deer are just black specks blending into the the blueberry bush they were munching on. They seem to have a daily schedule of visiting there so John has considered shooting them but they are rather small.

Bow hunting takes quite a lot of patience. I learned you are supposed to wait at least an hour after you shoot a deer with an arrow before you look for it so you don't scare it away. It is very easy to lose a deer that has been shot if you try to find it before it is dead.

Before John and I were married, I gave him two hunting DVD's I found somewhere really cheap. The other night (at my request) we watched one together. I now know how to hunt deer, elk, wild hogs, and turkeys.

All this watching and learning sounds much more interesting than the hands on butchering that comes later... Knowledge feeds the soul but venison feeds the stomach!

>>>edit: The deer were actually 35 yards instead of 35 feet.

Today

Today is the day!

I hope to get loads of laundry done [note pun] and other "household chores" since John will be gone for much of the day. Today is the day John takes his motorcycle road test! I would have preferred to have more practice, but he has picked it up quite quickly (even though it is a very top-heavy bike) and has become a skilled rider. Today is also the day we are supposed to have a mix of rain and snow... not exactly ideal riding conditions! So I am praying and staying busy with things and learning to not worry about him riding over 2 hours in the elements. John is very cautious and makes wise decisions. If the weather gets really bad, I will take his large-as-a-barge truck out to pick him up (which will be an adventure all in itself). [grin]

It's kind of funny that I never used to worry. I was always the one out there: walking around Thailand by myself, kissing snakes, visiting people living on the streets, etc. Now I am getting a taste of what it is like to be the one left behind while my parents travel to another country, my sister lives in potential danger, and my husband becomes a daring rider! Please don't misread that as complaint because I am happy for them to go and do, it is just a whole new feeling to be on this side of things. Ha, and I have yet to experience what it is like to be a mom and watch her children do stuff! This is all very good preparation! [big smile]

Be anxious for nothing
but in everything
by prayer and supplication
with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known to God.
Phil 4:6

>grace and peace<

Blogart

There are certain photos that do not fit in any catagory so,

here it is: Blogart :-D

Growing Beef

Our calves have not held up their end of the bargain. Instead of turning ugly and mean, they continue to be cute and happy (though rather dopey at times). John keeps telling them to grow meat and it seams they are listening. They add an inch to their girth each week! Kabass is the largest calf measuring 43 inches around. According the chart we have, this means he weighs 250 pounds! Even though Kabaas started out as our blondest calf, he keeps turning more and more black! He used to be so skittish, but he has become quite tame. He will even come over and lick my neck!

My Health

I have been rather slow in posting about my health since it seems to vary from day to day. On most days, I feel Much better than I did weeks and even months before I got pregnant. I am not sure what has made a difference but we have been focusing on living healthy and I think it has helped. Here is a list of things we've been doing with more frequency:

~

Juicing beet root

Taking my vitamins daily

Walking/exercising daily

Eating nuts, red meat, and eggs

Cutting back on starches and wheat

Avoiding sugar

Drinking Kefir

~

A little info in recent history:

John has been taking my blood pressure off and on when I feel dizzy etc. From my records my lowest blood pressure was 90/53 and the highest was 110/72 but he usually does not check it when I am feeling great. John always checks my blood pressure when I am sitting or lying down. The other day I wasn't feeling great so he checked my blood pressure and it was 106/72. I stood up and he checked it again. My blood pressure dropped to 88/70. When I stood up, I felt a little dizzy but nothing went black when I stood up so it must drop lower than that when things do turn black. (I have never completely passed out but when I get the flu, I tend to end up on the ground shortly before I throw up. Of course feeling stressed or tired or hungry also complicates things.)

We used to think I had hypoglycemia. On the days my blood pressure is low, I have symptoms of hypoglycemia: dizzy, shaky hands, little energy, sweaty, sleepy, difficulty concentrating, headache, and I don't do well if I go without eating. John started checking my blood sugar after we got married but the numbers always fell into a normal range so we stopped checking it. (It was very nice to not be a pin cushion anymore!)

We are looking into the symptoms and causes of:

- Orthostatic Hypotension

- Adrenal insufficiency

- Hyperthyroid

So, there it is. Whatever it is, we are praying we can find out what is causing it and how to heal it. I am very thankful for the energy I have now, very thankful for all I can do, very thankful for John's patience with me when I don't feel good, and very thankful for ALL he does to help with my health! He is just wonderful...

Orthostatic Hypotension:

http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/orthostatic-hypotension-1

Adrenal Insufficiency:

http://www.drkaslow.com/html/adrenal_insufficiency.html

Hyperthyroidism:

http://www.endocrineweb.com/hyper1.html

Iodine information:

http://www.vitamincfoundation.org/iodine.htm

An article about Iodine rich foods and thyroid disorders:

http://www.wellsphere.com/healthy-eating-article/foods-to-promote-thyroid-health/760543

List of Iodine rich foods:

http://www.ehow.com/about_5412680_foods-rich-iodine.html

A Dirty Job

John and his uncle have been working really hard to get the spot ready where we will park our camper. John has become quite proficient at using a variety of heavy equipment. He even taught me how to drive the bobcat! I have helped John a few days with shoveling dirt (which is made up mostly of gray clay). It has been so fun to work together and I am so grateful for energy to do so!

note: none of the pictures were posed

A visit to the Civil War

Discoveries and favorite places

The rocks in the picture above are from a dry riverbed. Not every stone had fossils in it, but Most of them did and the large ones had many, many more. It was so amazing to see all of them! John and I discovered them on a delightful walk we took last Saturday. We hiked all over the place and found fish to feed, a culvert Big enough to walk through, and a bit of wildlife. We ended up in a tree stand at dusk. Two deer bounded into the area and stopped under the stand. Such graceful creatures! It was an incredible experience to be so close to something so wild. Even though they looked up at us, they continued to graze contentedly.

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Today, we stopped at an old place that used to be a county home. It is a Huge series of buildings that are completely run down. It is almost covered with overgrown vines and bushes. Inside the paint is peeling and the walls are crumbling. One room is filled almost to the ceiling with old newspapers. One room had a bunch of old broken pianos (in several pieces). It is one of the most wonderful place I've been! I walked around like Alice in Wonderland. I really want to go back with my camera to capture the Beauty there! If I had the money, I would buy it even though it has no fixtures, no door handles, no plumbing. Every wall is a photography studio! And the architecture is... ahhhhhh.... There are balconies all over the place and TONS of windows. In unexpected places there are tiny closets, Huge stairways, and long hallways. The paint is perfect too: Mustered yellow, Tiffany blue, Bright teal... Everything else is white. I don't know if I'll be able to get permission to photograph it, but I really hope I can. It is a place to visit in dreams.

Sunshine in the Kitchen

Our camper is slowly gaining a new face. I've been wanting to paint the kitchen and the living room since Spring. It was so nice to finally have the time and energy to get the kitchen done last week! No More Dingy Wallpaper!

Hello Sunshine!!!

Before:

After:

Travel

Greetings and happy September!

Our days have been happy and full. My parents came to see us and then we carpooled out to our home-state. My parents, John, and I were all born in the same state! It was a delightful though somewhat whirlwind trip. Almost every night we were in a new town, visiting family and friends. We have so many happy memories of our time.

We also stopped at Letchworth, the Grand Canyon of the East. It is just a beautiful, beautiful place to visit with two huge waterfalls and heaps of trails to bike or hike.

Travels through the storm

I took these pictures a week ago as John and I drove back. Shortly after we left, there was a huge storm. We were surrounded by dark and scary clouds. The rain poured and the lightening flashed. As we continued on, the storm was replaced by mist all around us. The sun set and the mist turned into a breathtaking sight.

There are so many parallels between our drive back and recent events. Losing our child, was the worst storm we've ever experienced. But as the days go by, there is also beautiful hope that carries us through. Many times when were driving, it looked like we would just disappear into the mist. The future is very foggy. I don't know what will happen tomorrow... but God is the one who is holding tomorrow, working everything, even pain and sadness together for good. And that is a beautiful thing! :-)

Family

Our days have been filled with children!
Happy faces and cute grins :-)
Chasing each other, playing with each other...
Giggling girls and laughing boys :-)
It's been delightful to see their delight and enjoyment with life :-)

My parents have been blessed with 19 grandchildren so there is always a collection of children when my siblings get together. John and I are excited about the future when our children can run and play with their cousins. Until then, we enjoy the time we have with the blessings of others!

Resting with Peace

**********************************

A small pine box
A deep black hole
A humid night
A heavy grief

It felt so wrong to bury our first baby
the one we loved and hoped for
the first fruit of our love

**********************************

His Journey's Just Begun
Don't think of him as gone away
His journey's just begun,
Life holds so many facets
The earth is only one

Just think of him as resting
From the sorrow and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years.

Think how he must be wishing
That we could know today
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.

And think of him as living
In the hearts of those he touched
For nothing loved is ever lost
And he was loved so much

-Unknown Author

**********************************

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain..." Rev. 21:4

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Book Recomendation

John and I made it to our destination and it is so wonderful to be here! While we traveled, we listened to Lisa Beamer's book: Let's Roll! The phrase was spoken by her husband Todd Beamer on Untied Flight 93 before he and other passengers ran towards the terrorists on September 11, 2001. The plane crashed in a field instead of hitting the White House or another U.S. landmark.

The death of her husband was not the first tragedy in Lisa's life. Her father also died unexpectedly when Lisa was teenager. The death of her father almost brought Lisa to losing her faith in God. The pain and the agony of her loss was unbearable and unexplainable. She could not understand WHY God would take someone so precious to her. It wasn't until years later that she understood these verses in Romans 11:33-36:

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out!
Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor?
Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forever! Amen.

The loss of a loved one is deeply painful and because of our loss, I have a small understanding of some of the pain Lisa has experienced. I have wondered WHY God would take not only our precious baby, but also the hopes and dreams we had for the future. But I am humbled to realize that we do not deserve any gift God gives us. "Who has given to God, that God should repay him?" Every breath is a gift from God! Instead of shaking a fist at God for what is lost, we should be on our knees, thanking Him for the undeserved ABUNDANCE He gives daily.

Blessings of God

In this dark valley, through our deepest pain; the light of God has given us a pathway through the darkness and His love has held us close. It is because of all we have experienced that His goodness shines brighter. There have been so many little things that have meant so much. I am thankful that:

* Our time of not knowing what would happen was very short. I cannot explain the agony it was and I am so grateful we did not have to keep waiting and fearing what the outcome would be.

* Throughout the whole ordeal we had wise counsel from our loving midwives as they kept us in prayer.

* Dad and Mom were able to make the 10 hour drive to see us and were here through the whole thing even though they could only stay 1 full day (they were traveling the other 2 days). God's timing was perfect.


* A dear family was led by God give give money to my parents to cover the expense of the trip.

* John and Mom labored as hard as I did, pushing against and rubbing my back as the surges of pain tore through my body. Their love and care gave me the strength to go on.

* The process of loss was very short. I am so thankful it did not last weeks and weeks.

* We have been carried in a cushion of prayer. There is no way to handle this pain without the strength of Jesus! The encouragement and prayers of friends known and unknown have blessed us so much!

* After asking if it was okay, my midwife brought her 5 week old daughter with her when she came to check up on me. Though John and I shed tears over our loss, it was so healing to hold a precious baby, she even smiled at me!


* John's family made food and Sharon gave up her many responsibilities to come and stay with us. She has worked overtime keeping me company as John works, making food, doing laundry, washing dishes, working in the garden, and helping take care of the calves (to mention just a few!) She has been a tremendous blessing!!!

* My body is healing and my energy is returning!

* John and I are planning to travel this weekend to see my family, I can't wait!!! We already had this trip planned but it couldn't have come at a better time!

To our sweet baby in Heaven

Dear one~

Though we never got to meet you, we are so sad to lose you. We miss hearing your heartbeat, beating fast and strong. We miss your sweet sounds while you sleep. We're sad we never got to hold your warm body and stroke your silky hair.

There are so many things about you we wish we could have known. Were you a girl or boy? Were you easy going or strong willed? We're sad we never got a chance to see you grow up. We wish we could have known your likes and dislikes.

The confirmation that you were on the way was a complete surprise! We were looking forward to having a child, we just thought that it wouldn't happen for another year. But as soon as we knew you were growing in your mama's belly, we couldn't be happier! Not once did we ever wish for your tiny life to stop growing and flourishing.

For 10 weeks, we and others prayed for you to be safe and healthy and tried to do all we could to protect you. We counted the weeks and tried to keep track of your development. You grew so fast and changed so much in such a short amount of time! The loving hand of your Perfect Heavenly Father carefully knit your tiny body together.

Sweet Babe, we don't know why things changed. We don't know why your Master Craftsman didn't continue to build you in your mother's womb. It is so easy to wish things were different. So easy to wonder if we could have done something to protect you or wonder if we missed something important that you needed. It is hard to not let guilt creep in...because we desired so much to love you, nurture you, and care for you. But we have realized that even if we dedicated all our energy to give you a perfect home, there would always be imperfections because your parents are imperfect. Despite all our attempts we would still fail.

So we believe, out of God's graciousness, He decided to give you a perfect home. Not a cabin or a camper or a house, but a mansion in Heaven. There with our loved ones who have already arrived. There where there is no sickness, or crying or pain. You will never have to experience these. And though we are sad and cry because of all we have lost, we rejoice over the love, joy and peace you are now experiencing. We love you, sweet one, and are excited to meet you in Heaven.

So much love~
Dad and Mom

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We have had some reasons for concern about the health of our baby.... So far, everything seems to have a logical (and harmless) reason and my chats with our midwife here and our midwife there have been reassuring. But when faced with an abnormality, it is hard not to worry. When it comes down to it, even if we were going to lose our baby, the only thing we can do is pray and grieve (which we have done much of both). John so gently reminded me that if God chose to take our baby, it is only out of His love and care for our baby. God is a whole lot better parent than John or I ever will be! John has been so loving and supportive: holding me, wiping away my tears, and making me laugh! I am trying to rest and learning to trust in a deeper way the One who has been knitting together our precious baby!

Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and forevermore.
From the rising of the sun until the going down of the same the Lord's name is to be praised.
The Lord is high above the nations, and His glory above the heavens.
Who is like the Lord our God Who dwells on High,
Who humbles Himself to behold the things that are in heaven, and in earth!
He raises up the poor our of the dust, and lifts the needy out of the dunghill;
That He may set them with princes, even the princes of His people.
He makes the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children.
Praise the Lord.

Psalm 113:2-9

A happy cookout with dear friends

We were delighted to get to share part of the weekend with dear friends. Keith, Gwen, and Sarah are on their way to see their son/brother, his wife, and their new sweet baby out west! At the last minute, we asked if they could stop in. (It is rather difficult to make long term plans since I'm not sure if I'll have energy or not.) They were able to rearrange their schedule and come not only for our cook out, but also stay over night. It was Such a delight to share the night with them and two of John's sisters: Sharon and Anna. Sharon and Anna arrived early to help with last minute things (Sharon even did my dishes being the generous woman that she is!) We had such a fun and delightful evening! I took Very Few pictures so you'll just have to stop by to experience the fun. We can't wait to have more company! :-)

John delighted us by giving us a ride in the wagon at the back of this old blue tractor. There are tons of paths around here, and it was such fun to ride through the fields and forest to get to our cookout spot. (Really wish I would have gotten a picture of all us riding through the green fields!)

I had so much fun arranging the table with a denim blanket, fresh picked Queen Ann's Lace (John picked the exact amount I had in mind!) candles and tea lights. It was so nice to be in the middle of the forest! Despite how much rain we've had, John was able to get a fire started and we all had stumps to sit on around the fire. My little red mp3 player/cell phone, did a great job providing atmosphere music!

Here is Sarah, Anna, and Sharon getting some Delicious food! We had quite the feast with fresh garden potato salad (made with sour cream, chives, and parsley), garden corn, marinated venison, and a yummy potato dish that Sharon made! We had mint tea, lemonade, and water to drink. After dinner, we roasted marshmallows and talked late into the night. Ahh bliss :-)